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Turkey Gets Wasted

Published on November 25, 2011 h Now by Simon Dabkowski

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By now you’ve all had your Thanksgiving dinner and some of you might be picking away at leftovers for breakfast by scrambling some eggs with bits and piece of turkey in them. Your turkeys were most likely sober and laying flat in their aluminum pans. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they were delicious – marinated in secret family herbs and spices, garnished with all sorts of potatoes, carrots, etc. However, next year, consider getting your turkey wasted! Here’s how..

Get yourself a 10 lb. turkey and a chubby 24 oz can of Foster’s Beer. You’ll need some other ingredients as well, however, let’s focus on this awesome combo for a bit. I’m not sure why Foster’s works so well, I have never tried doing this with another beer. I’ve heard that Heineken works well too. Although, I’m not really a fan of beer in a green bottles. The basic premise of this technique is that we are going to be spearing the turkey onto top of the beer can and placing the turkey in an aluminum pan inside the oven standing upright. It will sort of look like a weird standing turkey if done right.

The turkey like in other recipes, will cook from the outside, however, that bird will also cook from the inside out through steam generated within the can. The aroma of the beer along with other ingredients which I’ll list out next, as well as the turkey’s own juices will flow up from the can and make that turkey so good you’ll easily impress anyone by not only the presentation but also the flavour.

Let’s start from the beginning. First, you’ll need to defrost that turkey, put it in the sink and leave it there overnight. If it still feels icy in the morning, place it in a plastic bag and put it in some hot water. Then place your turkey to the side and lets get to that can of Foster’s! Open the beer and drink about a 1/5 of it. Pour half of it in a bowl and look for a pair of scissors. Cut the top of the beer can out and thrown in a few Bay Leaves and sprinkle some Basil into the half-filled can. Stir it around and place the can to the side.

Take that bowl that you poured some of the Foster’s beer into and add in 1/4 cup of brown sugar, 4 table spoons of white vinegar, 1/4 cup of ketchup, 2 table spoons of hot sauce, 4 table spoons of paprika, some salt and pepper. Stir it all together. This will be your baste. You’ll be draining the turkey with this stuff every so often while it’s cooking. Feel free to replace this baste with your own if you have one.

Next we need to give the turkey a rub down. Some salt, pepper, paprika, and anything else that tastes good to you. If you’ve done this before you’re good to go, if not, you most likely forgot to spread the turkey’s legs and remove the bag filled with guts including the neck that was shoved in there by the factory worker who prepared the turkey. Place the can of beer on your aluminum foil, pick up your turkey, and spear the thing onto of the beer can. Be careful not to crush the can. The turkey’s opening should be wide enough to slide smoothly on the can of beer. You don’t need to push it all the way down. Spread the turkey’s legs on the aluminum pan to add additional support. Grab the baste that you’ve made and rub it on the turkey. A small paintbrush works well. Take some additional aluminum foil and wrap the turkey all around. This will make the skin extra crispy. Place the turkey in the oven set at 250 degrees and set your timer for 2 hours.

After 2 hours, remove the aluminum foil and with a large spoon, grab some of the baste that has now mixed with the turkey’s juices and bathe the entire turkey with it. Repeat this every hour for the next 4 hours or so. You’ll know your turkey is done if the temperature of the turkey’s thigh reaches 165 degrees. Results may vary, however, like anything else in life, improvise as you go along. The best part is taking the “done” turkey out of the over, removing the can of beer and pouring the remainder over the turkey. The smell is pretty incredible. Bon Appetite!

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