RED DAWN: SantaCon Coming to Ho-Ho-Hoboken Saturday
After facing stiff opposition in Manhattan last week, SantaCon partisan resistance units will regroup to establish a beachhead here on the Hudson’s western shore.
According to the Ho-Ho-Hoboken SantaCon Facebook Events Page, the invasion is scheduled to commence at 1100 hours, via a two-pronged attack based out of rendezvous points at Texas-Arizona and Mills Tavern. From there, individual squads will fan out and occupy territories at Wicked Wolf, Cadillac Cantina, Black Bear Tavern, Little Town NJ, McSwiggans, Mulligans, PourHouse and more—until the entire town is bathed in a sea of red.
SantaCon troops will be identifiable by their required wristband (proceeds to benefit Wounded Warrior Project)—not to mention the rather conspicuous red uniform.
Rules of Engagement are as follows (and we’re quoting here…):
1) Have fun.
2) Don’t black out.
3) Must be 21, bars will not allow entry to under-aged participants – We will not give refunds for anyone who purchased a ticket underage.
4) Address your fellow santa as “Santa.”
5) Watch out for elves. Elves work hard for Santa all year and especially hard during the holiday season. Santa loves his elves except when they show up to his red-themed event dressed in green. Traditionally, elves are abused at SantaCon.
6) Not all these guidelines should be taken seriously.
7) Some of these guidelines should be taken very seriously. If you can’t work out which ones they are then you are not intelligent enough to take part in SantaCon.
8) Don’t get drunk in public. Being drunk &/or disorderly in public will tarnish Santa’s reputation. One bad santa can ruin things for an entire location because we’re all dressed the same, duh. Also, it’s an offense and will get you arrested. Remember that there is no “bail fund” for incarcerated santas and if you cross the line you’ll be on your own. Don’t be that Santa.
9) If you do get drunk in public, you should get into a fight with other santas, get arrested as quickly as possible (before anyone gets hurt), be carted away in handcuffs and have the whole thing recorded on video for the evening news and Youtube.
10) Santa does not make children cry. Does this really need to be said? Seriously, if you see kids, don’t do anything to freak them out. Give them a nice smile and possibly a gift of some kind…
11) Optionally, bring gifts: Nice things to give children; nice or naughty things for adults.
12) Santa does not mess with security. This includes the police. Security staff are there to ensure everyone’s safety – it’s an important & necessary job. Most venues welcome Santa (especially the venues who we have deals worked out with) but some security staff will see you as a potentially dangerous mob wearing disguises (which, let’s face it, is probably true). If you are turned away, don’t argue – just move on to somewhere Santa is more welcome and can have fun.
13) Santa doesn’t drink & drive. If you’re going to drink you must make sure that you can get safely home without driving yourself. Check public transport, carpool with a designated sober driver, make arrangements to sleep over at someone’s place etc.
14) Don’t urinate in public.. imagine your child-self witnessing Santa doing that.. you’d be scarred forever!
15) Have a very merry Christmas!