(HOBOKEN, NJ—APRIL 1ST, 2017)
An overnight water main break seemingly created a sinkhole on Hoboken’s Observer Highway bike lanes, affecting absolutely no one.
Considered a “routine” water main break by their standards, the local water utility hasn’t even bothered to show up yet, nor has their social media team made any effort to post about it anywhere.
In fact, the absence of intrusive helicopter noise in the wee hours of the morning indicates that no one, not even the ravenous local television news media, are even slightly concerned about the impact this will have on Hoboken’s inbound bicycle traffic—although a City spokesperson swears there was “this one guy” who was forced to ride his bike down the equally ample pedestrian lane instead.
Automobile traffic, however, remains at a standstill.
**PLEASE NOTE THE DATELINE ON THIS ARTICLE**
This is satire. No bicyclists were harmed in the writing of this article.